Creepy Spongebob teaches me a hard lesson
What are you interested in?
For me, I like reading and learning about a variety of topics, especially science, geography, religion and philosophy. I enjoy music that moves me, and learning how to play some of it on the piano. I enjoy connecting with others from a variety of locations. I enjoy artistic video games, I enjoy scrolling Facebook, I enjoy reading news, I enjoy contributing to conversations about politics, and I enjoy, well, eating food. Can’t go wrong with eating food. (My fat rolls are smiling right now.)
Do you know anything more about me than you did prior to reading that paragraph? Hah. Well. Interests: do they reveal, or conceal?
That’s today’s subject. Interests. What’s their purpose, their function? We normally talk of interests casually, listing them off as if we were walking dating-sites putting out feelers rather than deep, complex human beings. And there are some things that are strangely off limits despite how important they are to most.
We usually don’t mention family relationships in our interests, for instance. Listing “My wife and kids” as an interest on a dating site, for instance, would probably not be kosher on more than one level. We also don’t usually list vocational pursuits in our interests, especially if it isn’t exciting: Saying “I HEAAAAART ACCOUNTING” is probably not a winner (so sorry to disappoint all yall accountants out there.)
Interests are often introductory feelers into starter conversations and activities from which further relationships can be built. They are meant to be positive, feel-goody things that advertise potential connection points, and NOT revelations into a person’s heart. For instance, “I heart FizBizz, outdoor adventures and long walks at the river! Hit me up uwu, let’s go hiking” is more likely to win an initial encounter with potential mates than “I often feel departed loved ones ministering to me from beyond the veil, I grew up Christian but I’m not sure anymore, and I have a scar on my neck that I conceal because it embarrasses me. Arby’s sometime?” You may end up knowing a lot more about the second person than the first, but we still cringe because they’re, well, strangers.
Further, in general, I’ve also noticed that interests are generally favored if they’re judged as useful (such as building romantic connection, childrearing, suburban house-fixing/keeping or money-making) and discouraged if they are judged as not useful (such as encyclopedic knowledge of obscure fantasy lore, philosophy, or political activism for causes that go against community norms. Your child attends BLM rallies and supports socialism? Every. Conservative. Mom’s. Worst. Nightmare. PUSH THE OPPRESS BUTTON.)
Lastly, interests are often governed by cultural and gender norms. Men in the conservative corner of America in which I live in tend to like trucks festooned with mud from being up in the mountains hunting over the weekend, guns, football, grilling and camo, and it’s more than a little odd for them to like flowers. When’s the last time you heard “the guys” discussing the best varieties of daffodils over beers at the bar? Go on. I’ll wait.
So that begs the question. What, exactly, is acceptable in terms of interests?
My work with children with autism has expanded my answer to that question. Here’s my example.
Look at this picture my client drew for me:
Looks like Spongebob, right? Except for the enormous fangs and creepy eyes, of course. This is a special form of Spongebob. You see, children with autism often latch with laser-focused interest onto a single interest, and in this case mine has latched onto the internet phenomenon known as CREEPYPASTAS. No, for ye olde ones this does NOT refer to a pot of macaroni and cheese wearing a freaky clown costume. Creepypastas can refer to any general internet phenomena that’s intended to scare the user, and comes in many forms depending on the website. My client loves the ones that come in the form of short videos of twisted versions of children’s characters, hence this drawing.
So, should he be interested in creepypastas? We’ve had to set boundaries with him before when he has nightmares, but otherwise, and fortunately for me, I am not tasked to try to force him to have more “normal” interests. That is against the ethics of my work as I understand them, which require me to respect my clients’ individual right to their preferences. In the end, as unusual as his interest is, as long as it doesn’t harm him I have no business at all telling him he cannot have it.
My lesson from all this? We would do well to be more generous in our judgments of the interests of others. Their interests are a window onto their world, an opportunity for connection, a leverage for positive influence and most of all, a core aspect of being human.
Three hour Wikipedia binge on Sufism, anyone?
For me, I like reading and learning about a variety of topics, especially science, geography, religion and philosophy. I enjoy music that moves me, and learning how to play some of it on the piano. I enjoy connecting with others from a variety of locations. I enjoy artistic video games, I enjoy scrolling Facebook, I enjoy reading news, I enjoy contributing to conversations about politics, and I enjoy, well, eating food. Can’t go wrong with eating food. (My fat rolls are smiling right now.)
Do you know anything more about me than you did prior to reading that paragraph? Hah. Well. Interests: do they reveal, or conceal?
That’s today’s subject. Interests. What’s their purpose, their function? We normally talk of interests casually, listing them off as if we were walking dating-sites putting out feelers rather than deep, complex human beings. And there are some things that are strangely off limits despite how important they are to most.
We usually don’t mention family relationships in our interests, for instance. Listing “My wife and kids” as an interest on a dating site, for instance, would probably not be kosher on more than one level. We also don’t usually list vocational pursuits in our interests, especially if it isn’t exciting: Saying “I HEAAAAART ACCOUNTING” is probably not a winner (so sorry to disappoint all yall accountants out there.)
Interests are often introductory feelers into starter conversations and activities from which further relationships can be built. They are meant to be positive, feel-goody things that advertise potential connection points, and NOT revelations into a person’s heart. For instance, “I heart FizBizz, outdoor adventures and long walks at the river! Hit me up uwu, let’s go hiking” is more likely to win an initial encounter with potential mates than “I often feel departed loved ones ministering to me from beyond the veil, I grew up Christian but I’m not sure anymore, and I have a scar on my neck that I conceal because it embarrasses me. Arby’s sometime?” You may end up knowing a lot more about the second person than the first, but we still cringe because they’re, well, strangers.
Further, in general, I’ve also noticed that interests are generally favored if they’re judged as useful (such as building romantic connection, childrearing, suburban house-fixing/keeping or money-making) and discouraged if they are judged as not useful (such as encyclopedic knowledge of obscure fantasy lore, philosophy, or political activism for causes that go against community norms. Your child attends BLM rallies and supports socialism? Every. Conservative. Mom’s. Worst. Nightmare. PUSH THE OPPRESS BUTTON.)
Lastly, interests are often governed by cultural and gender norms. Men in the conservative corner of America in which I live in tend to like trucks festooned with mud from being up in the mountains hunting over the weekend, guns, football, grilling and camo, and it’s more than a little odd for them to like flowers. When’s the last time you heard “the guys” discussing the best varieties of daffodils over beers at the bar? Go on. I’ll wait.
So that begs the question. What, exactly, is acceptable in terms of interests?
My work with children with autism has expanded my answer to that question. Here’s my example.
Look at this picture my client drew for me:
Looks like Spongebob, right? Except for the enormous fangs and creepy eyes, of course. This is a special form of Spongebob. You see, children with autism often latch with laser-focused interest onto a single interest, and in this case mine has latched onto the internet phenomenon known as CREEPYPASTAS. No, for ye olde ones this does NOT refer to a pot of macaroni and cheese wearing a freaky clown costume. Creepypastas can refer to any general internet phenomena that’s intended to scare the user, and comes in many forms depending on the website. My client loves the ones that come in the form of short videos of twisted versions of children’s characters, hence this drawing.
So, should he be interested in creepypastas? We’ve had to set boundaries with him before when he has nightmares, but otherwise, and fortunately for me, I am not tasked to try to force him to have more “normal” interests. That is against the ethics of my work as I understand them, which require me to respect my clients’ individual right to their preferences. In the end, as unusual as his interest is, as long as it doesn’t harm him I have no business at all telling him he cannot have it.
My lesson from all this? We would do well to be more generous in our judgments of the interests of others. Their interests are a window onto their world, an opportunity for connection, a leverage for positive influence and most of all, a core aspect of being human.
Three hour Wikipedia binge on Sufism, anyone?
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